stressed...

I don't usually like to express how stressed i am. Growing up I kept it in most of the time. Probably in fear that know one would understand how I was feeling. Today is a stressful day for me. I am trying to pack, clean and reorganize things and having a baby in front of me makes it nearly impossible to do anything I want. I am super emotional and I just want sleep. David Knows I am tired when I start yelling at everyone and am on the verge of crying. I just can't handle everything. No one tells you how stressed you will be with 4 kids under seven. But they also don't tell you how much they bless your life. I am just in that moment in my life where I don't feel blessed. Especially by my 3 yr old who repeatedly yells at me and does things on purpose to piss me off. He searches for attention and he doesn't care if it is good or in his case very bad. As I came in this morning to wake David I asked if I could trade him in for a newer model. Like a year older or something. But then he wouldn't be dean. The Dean name fits his overall personality. Right now he is the Dean Machine. He destroys everything I have, makes messes everywhere, and doesn't care who he hurts or what he destroys in the process. It is very frustrating. Eli and Sarina woke up with croup and are hanging out together up stairs away from the little ones. I don't want them getting it. I am sure they have been exposed by now but if there is that one chance I can keep them from full on croup I will take it. I slept yesterday for 3 hours during the day and a few days before that I slept for 5 hours in the afternoon. I know I am not getting the rest I need. The Dr stresses me out too. I was told I need to gain more weight. Even if you are pregnant and especially if you are overweight and pregnant. You don't wanna hear that. I have maintained my weight this pregnancy and have tried hard not to gain as I always gain 10-20lbs when I breastfeed. I don't think it is a problem but the Dr does. So we will have an ultrasound at 34 weeks to check the growth of the baby. From now until then I am trying to not to yell or get upset. Mainly to stay calm and remain stress free. If David takes this job we will be cleaning and packing like crazy more than we are now. There are very many people that can help us unless they take the kids for a few hours. it will require both of us going through things. The saving grace today was David taking the 2 younger ones to church. Even if it is for one hour. I am excited to be little kid free. When I am stressed I get sick and I tried coming down with something the other day but I got adjusted at the chiropractor and had some spicy food which really helped. No cold yet. But today I feel run down and my throat hurts. I think every mother should be allowed to complain. Do people even realise how much crap we go through. I know I didn't until I became a mom of 3. Now that I have 4 and one on the way, it is crazy around here. "this too shall pass" I will always keep this phrase in my brain and someday when they are grown I know I will miss their messes and complete insanity. Anyway. I guess I need to go clean and vent a little. I always clean when I am stressed, its the best time to. I get a lot accomplished. I wish we had less stuff. I have been cleaning and trying to down size. the hardest part of it, is knowing that if you get rid of it you might be buying it later. But then you don't wanna be holding onto it. Either way I know I would function better if I could just throw it all away and start over as if I just got married or something. Our bishop calls it a reboot. He said if we move use it as a time to reboot. He has done it 4 times and says it is really healthy for the family. I love that he took our side and understands what we need. I feel like we need a reboot. Reboot on house rules, house, location, schools, everything. Just to start over again. Sometimes you just need too.