Pregnancy update:

Well I am currently 13 weeks. I am still very sick. Morning sickness should be re-named Day sickness. I don't eat a whole lot. My favorite things to have are smoothies and Salads from Wendy's. I have a hard time cooking and I am lucky if I get 2 bites of what I have made for the night. I am extremely tired lately and I am having a lot of ups and downs emotionally. I cry at almost every chick flick I watch and commercials. I get angry mad at people when things aren't going my way and I don't like being out of control. I like to be in control most of the time and this pregnancy is not allowing me to have that. The house is a mess. Mainly because I am stressed and tired. I want to sleep a lot, but only get a little. Dean has been kind of challenging lately on top of our normal stuff with Elijah, He doesn't want to sleep through the night and I get woken up at least 2 times by hm. Carver wakes about 3 times, maybe 2 times average. SO I am up at least 5 times a night. Plus I have had some insomnia going on and can't seem to get to bed early. So I usually retire to bed by 12 or later. Needless to say I am not sleeping. We have had some family things going on that have added some extra concern for David and I. This has stressed me out knowing how much it is affecting his family. I try to be supportive and listen, but at the same time I am just tired. I still have headaches daily and have not had to experience this in previous pregnancies. So this is a new symptom for me. They are usually pretty bad and they make me even more nauseous. I end up trying to lay down somewhere quiet and relax. Sometimes it works and then there is today. I try to shower often as it seems to help. I have been sick the last 4 days with a horrible cold. I hate that you can't take much when you are pregnant. Things you can take I still avoid. Just to be safe. I have had a sore throat, stuffy nose, watery eyes, headaches, and have been extremely tired. The lack of energy makes it even harder on top of the pregnancy symptoms to want to accomplish anything. I thought there would light at the end of the tunnel the other day when I awoke with no symptoms. I spoke to soon. I am excited to be pregnant even though I have felt this way. There is something in knowing this could be the last child born in our family. We are hoping for a girl. I will gladly accept a boy though. I am excited to be pregnant as I always loose weight. Maybe not the safest way, since I can't eat but still. I have lost 12 lbs and I am excited that I can feel that it is gone. I will be happy when I can stuff my face with good nutritious food again though. Right now it seems I eat what makes me feel good. Today it was Sour cream and artichokes, blueberry pancakes for breakfast and for dinner a Dr pepper. Doesn't seem like much does it? well that is how I have been eating lately. If I am up to it I may squeeze in some meat and fruit. I love cereal and yogurt lately. especially with granola on top. mmmmmm... I am very blessed to have a husband to be home on and off right now. Even though he may be loosing his job and we may need to move. His team has nothing for him to work on and they have not laid him off. SO he sits trying to find a job, before they decide to let him go. I have been fortunate because he has been home working and helping so I can get extra rest if needed. I started up a babysitter to walk the kids home so I don't have to worry about loading the other two up and listen to them scream while I wait in the parent line. This allows the kids to nap longer too which then lets me rest more. So I feel blessed. I know I complain a lot and my symptoms have been worse this time around but I am truly excited and I feel blessed to be able to have children. We still have not told our kids officially, Working on how and when. I will probably tell them after we find out the gender and after the tests confirm the baby is healthy and growing well. I do have high anxiety with my pregnancies and fear each Dr visit and appointment. I try to go in with a good attitude because even if the outcome is bad I have still learned from my experiences. This is pregnancy number nine for us, with 4 living kids and one D&C. I am nervous how I will manage as a mother of 5. I still can not believe there are families out there with 8-18 kids. I am still amazed I even knew a family that had 12 kids. I knew that I would have this one though. I felt it the day I hung pictures up in our new house we are currently in. I was hanging the pictures and felt it. I stuck another picture frame up to see five on the wall. Then I knew that frame would have another face. Peace came over me and I knew everything would work out somehow. Being pregnant now it feels like things are going well. I just get anxious and wish time would go faster so I can meet this new little baby. Carver is growing up so fast. He is so cute and Dean gets so jealous when I have him in my lap. Even though I know I give them equal attention most of time. Well, I guess I just wanted to vent and get it out there. Time to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzz's!